You Wanna Ride-Out

We pick up all kinds of habits from our childhood, some good and bad. My parents have always shared with us their love of music and cars/trucks. I never missed an opportunity to be perched between them in Bluebell, my Dad’s 1991 Blue and Silver Chevrolet Z71 Silverado while they rode around the small towns of Southern Maryland. They talked about grown-up things, but I was focused on the view of suburbs turning into rolling farmlands while singing along to the soulful music of the 50s, 60s, 70s eras. By the time Teena says, “Do you know what I’m saying baby,” at the outro of Portuguese Love, I am two blinks from a deep slumber. A few hours later, I awaken tucked in my bed with my clothes still on and no shoes wondering how I got there knowing full well my Dad carried me to bed on our return home.

Summer of ’96 was the best summer of the recorded history of my life. That summer, my sister had gotten her license and a car, and we were teenagers running wild. It also happened to be the year of some of the greatest hip-hop and R&B music of the 90s. Late summer nights, we would take the hour ride to Krispy Kreme donuts on Rt.1, windows down the entire way, singing “Soon As I Get Home” by Faith in perfect harmony. The hot sign was on and we were riding a sugary high. I hope you get to experience the pure joy of perfectly executed choreography to New Edition’s “If It Isn’t Love.” We took every opportunity to take a car ride and listen to our favorite songs. We had fights but we had so many more loving moments on those trips.

These “ride-outs”, as I have come to call them, became a lifelong habit for me. A way to ground myself, solve my life problems, celebrate my accomplishments, spend time with family and friends. All I do is pick a direction, fill up my tank and pick the perfect music to fit my mood. Each ride has all the necessary requirements for the ideal therapy session. Had a bad break-up? Take a ride on Rt. 95N, the Capital Beltway. If the break-up was his fault, play “Caught Out There (I hate you so much right now.)” by Kelis, “Bitter” by Chante Moore and “Ex-Factor” by Lauren Hill. If the break-up was my fault, “Moving On” by Mya, “Brokenhearted” and “Almost Doesn’t Count” by Brandy, “Before You Walk Out of My Life” by Monica and “Unbreak My Heart” by Toni Braxton. After an hour of driving around the beltway, my tears had dried and I was ready to face life again. When I’m felt super happy or the high of success, I would throw on any Prince Greatest Hits album and speed up Rt. 301N with my music obnoxiously loud so it permeated the car next to me at every stop light. Feeling melancholy and questioning my purpose in life, I took a trip to DC while Teena Marie’s soulful voice soothe me and connect me with my inner self. Sitting in 2 hours of traffic on the way to work, no problem. I play a mix of H.E.R., Moonchild, Ari Lennox or maybe a mix from across the pond of Joss Stone, Corinne Bailey Rae and Sade. These mellow tunes had the affect of a glass of St. Michaels Gollywobbler Blackberry Merlot. By the time I reached my job, I was cool, calm, and collected. No one needed me amped up heading into a high stress workday.

Some of the most impactful ride-outs of my life happened on Rt.50 on my way back and forth to the University of Maryland Eastern Shore in Princess Anne, Maryland. The ride to university takes about 2 hours. It is a straight shot down Rt. 50 until you reach Salisbury, and then you turn off onto Rt. 13 the remainder of the way to campus. Being with myself and my thoughts for that long of a time can only end with making some life changing decisions. Like changing my major, leaving a bad relationship, leaving school to be with the love of my life and have our first child. I often made the trip with fellow Hawks who I picked up or dropped off along the way. My passengers shared the soundtracks and stories of their lives with me. I always tried to make those rides a safe space. I let them pick the music, I listened and shared with sincerity. I tried my best to make sure we arrived in a better place than when we left.

My husband and I often ride-out to relieve our stress. We have strict rules that whoever drives get to control the radio and we also alternate driving responsibilities. (I just gave you a free marriage hack, you’re welcome.) His preference leans toward 80s and 90s Rap. My preference is a mixture of genres but mostly I lean toward Neo-Soul. We get in the car and pick a destination at least an hour away or ride the entire Capital Beltway. We talk about our problems and make plans for our future. In our younger years, we may have stopped somewhere along the way to make love. Most times we just vent and then we get a snack, ice cream or a meal and return home much lighter than when we left.

Everything comes full circle. Now I have passed the torch to my sons, sharing the healing benefits of a good ride-out and connecting with each other. It is so special to hear their thoughts and share music with them. Sometimes, a song I love will play from oldest son’s playlist and then we start singing it together and I know I did something right in raising him. I know when I am long gone, he will hear that song and he will remember me the way I remember those car rides with my parents. The real tear jerker is when he bugs me to go get donuts and I really don’t want to but then he turns on those dimples and says, “ I just wanna ride-out with you and talk.”